As it approaches the middle of January, I am reminded again of how fast time seems to be passing by. My plans for a creating a vision board and setting down goals for 2020 have yet to be completed. I have been waiting … sensing .. that there was something I needed to fully understand about the journey to this moment in time, before I could effectively dream and plan for the future.
When I became still and carefully reviewed my past year, I became acutely aware of the growth, the challenges, the moments of joy and of sorrow. I began to understand the beautiful lessons that the journey had provided and slowly started to savor every moment and really appreciate all that I had learnt.
There is a moment of time that really stands out for me, that I can now see as having played out again and again throughout my life. These are what I define as the life changing moments – the moments of absolute clarity where the truth shines so brightly through the illusion that there can be no doubt. Time stands still in this clarity as I see myself in moments of time walking beside a potential future, of having reached a place of new growth that feels incredibly exciting and scary at the same time. I can feel so deeply in my heart that this is where I want to go, this is the journey I am ready to embark on. In the next flashing moment, the fear starts to creep in, and I am shown the people that may be left behind if I decide to take this new journey. The thought of leaving someone behind who is not yet ready to embark on this Spiritual path is so consuming, and I find myself stepping backwards to once again be by their side, to offer comfort and share their pain.
In my naivety I have placed this burden on myself, feeling that it was my responsibility to “save another”, to limit my growth and potential out of fear of needing to leave someone behind. That in order to be a good friend, co-worker, parent, or daughter that I needed to step back and offer comfort, support and stand on equal ground in this place.
As I look back at this scene played throughout my journey at different stages in time, I start to see my pattern of self-sabotage. Of holding myself back from shining my light too bright, of being willing to speak my truth and move forward into the unknown, and in this moment of awareness I begin to laugh. I can see the humour in my complete ignorance of thinking that I had to be responsible for another’s actions, that I had the power and ability to take away their pain. Oh how foolish I have been. When one reaches this point of awareness, there can be no blame or regret .. there can only be this huge bubble of laughter looking back at the comedy of life. I can laugh at my naivety, and then lovingly lay that burden down surrendering the need to protect and comfort another to a power much Greater than I.
I can hold my head up high, turn up that light and fire within my heart and blaze a trail forward into the unknown, holding gratitude in my heart that I am able and willing to reach a hand out to others when they are ready to join me on this healing journey, and being grateful for the hand currently reaching back to me .. pulling me out of the shadow to claim my light.
Now I am finally ready to build that vision board, and set those goals for 2020. However, I feel that my board will only be half completed because the excitement of the unknown is half the beauty of the journey.
Lots of love,